I'm not sure when or if I'll share this blog with others again. Definitely will tell my best friends, close family, and that kid I really, really like, Duffy. But who knows. For now I will enjoy this privacy, this secrecy that I have created.
Of course, I've shared this blog with potential employers, so they may be taking a peek every now and again, but I'm not sure they will go very deep. It's likely I lost them at the first sentence, maybe even the title, possibly the link to a blog stupidly named "JustPaigenThru." But oh well.
Why am I doing this now? Why have I revived this blog and not told a single soul? Was it just to go on a couple more feminist rant and one giant retelling of a mere 36 hours of my life? No. I started writing on here again because I had a realization: I don't have to share the blog posts on social media. I don't have to tell people that I'm writing and publishing a single thing. That was always what caught me up, because I was afraid of people judging me and thinking I'm incorrect in my opinion and very, very stupid. But, no one regularly checks the blog, and I wasn't actually obliged to share my blog on Facebook.
Maybe before I tell anyone someone will stumble upon the blog, and ask me why I hadn't shared, but I hope they don't. I'd like to tell people just as I'm telling you: as if it was a secret.
One time when I was typing Duffy asked what I was doing. We were at Quills and my laptop wasn't facing him, as I had been engrossed in another rewatching of CATS (I'm sorry guys, it's just been a big part of my life this month), so I just smiled. He took the smile to mean I'd restarted the movie and was watching it again, but really I was typing up my final post about seeing the show. I considered telling him, but I thought it'd be best to get some non-CATS content out before doing that.
The best thing about not telling people is I can say any thought that comes to my head, and not worry someone will judge it. I wrote about abortion without thinking about what my sweet Mother would think. I wrote four extensive posts about a Broadway show, and explored telling partially my own story of being a woman in American within certain groups. But, I can also say things like I feel personally attacked when my music on shuffle plays Christmas music.
I love Christmas music, and I save listening to it until Thanksgiving morning when i turn on 106.9Play, Louisville's Christmas music station. This year I was fed up with new music that wasn't from my childhood, so I made my own playlist. Then, when the season ended I didn't want to have to go through the hassle of re-collecting all that music, so I left the playlist on my phone. Of course, this means it's still in my library, which means it has every right to pop up when my songs are on shuffle. But goddammit if I didn't think the device would be smart enough to know that's not what I want to listen to! Not only am I offended, but I'm disappointed when multiple Christmas songs play in a row. I thought my smart phone could do anything these days!
See? I just shared a relatively stupid shot, and suffer no fear that someone will notice or say something. So, there you have it folks. I'm writing now, because it's somewhat private, and I am enjoying sharing my thoughts without fear. It's like a diary, but future employers might see it. Well, I hope they like it. And, I hope when/if I do re-share this blog it will be like in Night at the Museum when Larry basically re-invents the museum and everyone has a renewed love for the museum. So, like, ideally, I will get all these views on my posts and everyone will be reading and commenting really positively like, "Wow, mom! I didn't know that statues could be this fun and that I'd learn so much!" And, "I know honey. I used to love this place when I was a kid... Oh look cavemen!" But like, with my blog and my words.
That'd be cool.
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