The meaning of Planned Parenthood

Today, I went to this really great bar and restaurant called "Garage Bar." It's located here in Louisville, and it's kind of a hip joint all the kids go to, and it has very millennial food items. Anyways, I went there because today is the day after the Women's March, and all purchases benefit Planned Parenthood of Indiana and Kentucky. I had to go out and show my support, even if it was just getting an order of beignets to go. (Listen, I wanted to go and get drunk off of basil and lavender drinks, but my parent's are coming over for my birthday dinner so I didn't). So, after circling the block twice looking for a big enough street parking spot to pull into and then giving up and parking in a paid public parking lot which I did not pay for I went to get my beignets.

The first thing I noticed was a family leaving the joint. It was a Mom, a Dad, and two kids under the age of four. They were enjoying time together, Mommy and oldest son running on the sidewalk, Dad behind them joking about how Mommy was wearing the perfect running shoes (she was in a maxi dress with nice flats on). I went inside, and low and behold in the midst of this lunch rush was not just single women wanting to support Planned Parenthood, but families. A lot of families.

Here's why I think this is important: Planned Parenthood isn't just serving a bunch of butch women, or stereotypical sorority girls who are labeled "sluts." The purpose of the institution isn't to just provide abortions in a way to plan parenthood, it's a place to go for all different types of reasons. It's to help men and women when dealing with reproduction. It's also there for people who need STD or HIV testing. It's goal is to help women and men understand birth control, and provide contraception so they don't have to give abortions. You see? It's not just a baby killing factory, it's a baby planning factory.

The problem with people who want to squash PP also want to teach kids abstinence only. Well, this is bullshit. Yes, obviously it's the best method, but there are other methods that are just like .1% less effective. So, if you don't want people to have abortions, then you should at least teach them how to prevent pregnancy. It's extremely uncommon for people to wait until marriage to have sex, even in schools that teach abstinence only. At Catholic schools students actually wait and anticipate who will be the pregnant girl this year, despite the school's teachings. So, if you don't want abortions, tell kids to wrap it before you tap it, or to get a baby zapper whether pill, insert, or implant. We have to be smart about this, guys.

I stand with Planned Parenthood, and I never want to see it go away. I hope it continues to help people plan when they want to be parents, and to help them through the process. I want them to always be available to provide support and education to those who couldn't find it in school or at home. This is why, today, I eat beignets.

Revival and Renovations

The other day while working at Barnes and Noble I was stared down by a rack of cards for graduation. They all had motivating words about graduating, heading down the road to success, and encouraged following your dreams. Now, as a senior in college this has officially become one of my biggest fears. Because, not only am I a senior, but I am a senior in the school of creative writing, which isn’t exactly a common degree with a set career path. So, yeah. In a year not only will I have to start adulating (hardcore), but I will also have to put some serious work in towards my dreams and goals. Work I should’ve been putting in these past three years (if not more). But I haven’t. So here we are.

                I started this blog my senior year of high school and have since let it go. But, I’d like to revive it. It started as a feminism blog, but I think I’d like to get more creative with my posting. I am not sure what I will write, maybe some book reviews, maybe just my thoughts about people's graphic t-shirt choices, maybe a poem about my Memaw. I don't know yet, but I know I just need to write. And I need to get my writing out into the world, and this blog is the best way to do so. Now, as most of you know since you follow me on social media, I do not post a lot. I am very shy and quiet, but that shit ain’t gonna fly in the real world. It’s time to put on my big girl pants and not be afraid of posting opinions, weird thoughts, and my creative writing. Woo! Terrifying.

                So, here it goes. As I like to say to my sister’s dog when I have to pull him out from under the couch to take him on a walk, “It’s fine. Everything is fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. It's fine.”  

Rousseau AKA The Enemy

     So this week in my history class we read a couple articles by this guy named Jean-Joque Rousseau. And basically he wrote an article titled "The Social Contract" which was about the human race being selfish creatures and needing to work as a whole, or what he called "The General Will," in order to survive. So, in order for this to happen everyone has to give up their individuality and all their material items and express the same thoughts and feelings.
     Great guy already!
      Next we read his article, Women: "Especially Constituted to Please Man." And that's when I lost it. When I first read the article on my own I took notes on it, here is a snippet of what my notes looked like:
     Article says: "Women should know their place."
     My Notes say: "*NO ONE LIKES YOU ROUSSEAU!"
     Article says: [Talking about the perfect couple] "One must be active and strong, the other passive and weak. One must have power and will, the other have little power of resistance."
     My Notes say: "1. I hate you.
                                 *I'm not writing any of your horrible beliefs down."
     Article says: "... this is not the law of love, but it is the law of Nature, which is anterior even to love...."
      My Notes say: "2.I'd like to throw you into nature.
                                 *And when I say nature, I mean wolves.
                                       -And bears."
      Other comments included, "When does Rebbecca Walker, Alice Paul and Tina Fey come in?" "Where is your grave, I'm going to attack it with my feminism!" Then I attempted to draw the Feminist symbol next to #FEMINISM at the bottom of my paper. Because this is how I take college notes.
     But, as I promised I'm going to talk about positive things. So, I'm going to list the terrible things that Rousseau says and then comment on how women have defied him and his mid-1700s beliefs on women.
      Rousseau said the "perfect couple" should be as different in personality as they are in anatomy. I say no! Women and men can be as alike as they want. Just because one guy is a doctor doesn't mean he should find a woman who is a maid. He and she can be with whoever they please! Today there is no rule on who you have to marry. As I've mentioned before, I love the movie and book Pride and Prejudice, and one of the lines Mr. Darcy has this wonderful quote when he is talking to Lizzy and confessing his love, "I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance. " Because back in the day class was a big deal. Today it's more like a beautiful love story when the rich boy falls in love with the lower class girl. But in Jane Austen and Rousseau's time it was kind of important to marry someone of your own class. WE HAVE MOVED BEYOND THAT! Aren't you guys as happy as I am about this? Like, there are few restrictions. Just as long as you love each other you can be together (well, mostly). And Rousseau would be so angry if he saw a woman who was "above" her husband.
      That's another thing he was against. He thought women, as stated above, should be "passive and weak." He also talks about how women shouldn't be educated the same as man. He thought they should study "practical" subjects, like house work so to help the men continue with their work. Because everyone, as stated in his social contract, is working towards the same end-- but not in the same way. Well, sir, let me tell you a story. Later on in American History this strong woman named Elizabeth Blackwell went to medical school, the first woman to do so in the USA. And all of her professors were like, "She won't make it." But then she graduated first in her class! Rousseau would've DIED! In his personal opinion women should not inquire, they shouldn't explore and learn. Even though it was the Era of Enlightenment and it was all about learning and sharing ideas.
     Basically he said smart women were embarrassing. They should be left single and alone because no man should marry a smart woman. (I just shook my head in shame after writing that sentence, because it deserves a hardcore head shake and glare.) However, today we have overcome that obstacle! We can be as smart as we please, and even though women are sometimes looked down on as gross and ugly when they are associated with math and science and even computer studies, it's still better than what it used to be. We should encourage girls to get involved with these topics. Of course they're not for everyone, but just because we are women does not mean we cannot excel and pursue these fields of study. That's what Rousseau wouldn't want, and since he is the enemy, we should probably defy him as much as possible. Just saying.
      One of the topics Rousseau thought women should study was their man. Or as we said in class, "Know your dude!" They shouldn't think deeply on ALL men in general, but just the one's in their lives. You know, the one's they are "especially constituted to please." His thought was that they should always work towards benefiting the men and their lives, but how false is that! As a human race we should work towards pleasing others. I'm not saying let people walk over you, but don't just please man because you are a woman. Please who needs to be pleased, make the world happy by being happy yourself and helping others be happy. So many repeated words in that sentence and guess what-- I'M GONNA LEAVE IT BECAUSE IT'S MY BLOG! 
     And finally, Rousseau is quoted saying, "Woman is worth more as a woman, but less as a man..." Just take a moment to let that sink in. Okay. Are you done? Oh, another moment. Please, take your time.
     Better? Okay. Let's continue.
     In other words he's saying women shouldn't try to do man things, they should do womanly things because that's where they're most helpful. Um, no. Today, in this gloriously advanced day in age for Women's rights, women can be whatever they want! Pursue whatever field that want. Like I said before, there's still some struggle with fields being gender labeled. But it doesn't hold some people back. And I like those people. If you feel confident and passionate about it, GO FOR IT! I'm sure you'll be great at whatever you choose to do.
      Ugh, Rousseau you made me go on a feminist rage and that's okay. Because after reading you I went to my work study in the school of social work and all the feminism decorations I saw a people's office doors and on the walls made me happy. We are beyond this horrid man and moving forwards towards a brighter future. There is still work to do, but isn't it nice to look back and see how far we've come? It's comforting. And inspiring to continue to work towards equality.

#FEMINISM

#NotAFailedDrawingOnMyNotes

A Mostly Untitled Post About Rape, by Katie Watkins

     So today I'm not going to be writing the post, but my good friend Katie Watkins is. We've been friends for five years now and she is one of the most smart and inspiring people I know. Now, she has some great words of wisdom she wants to share with the world and I'm glad I could help her out.
So, I'll step back and let her talk now.

 

 

Let me start this off by saying that I don't want to call anyone out in this post. I try my best to understand that not everyone has dealt with a friend revealing their sexual assault to them, and therefore may not know how to respond properly. However I do want to get this out there to help friends of victims know how to help, and also to vent about some past experiences.

Last year, I was sexually assaulted by someone I had called my friend for a very long time. As much as that hurt, and believe me it hurt a lot, the responses I got were more painful. Many of my friends were supportive, particularly the ones who knew my attacker. That was a huge help. People that didn't know me as well, on the other hand, made some fairly hurtful comments. After I made an offhand comment about not wanting to die a virgin, I was told that I couldn't die a virgin because I had been sexually assaulted. Thank God for that- now I can be sure that I have experienced the joy of sex! I wasn't trying to comment on my physical state, anyway. That's really nobody's business but mine. I was making a point that if my friend didn't get his brakes fixed I could die without knowing the joys of consensual sex with someone I loved.

Other comments came from news media. The media portrayed the Steubenville rapists as the victims, partially influencing my decision not to report my attacker to the police. By doing so, I would be ridiculed for ruining his college scholarship and future in the Armed Forces. He would be the victim, and I would be the aggressor. Also, there would be a 3% chance of a conviction and a 97% chance of me delaying my college education to testify in a trial that would end in acquittal. I felt my reasoning was fairly solid, and my brother (a police officer) agreed. Others haven't been so sure. My fear of prosecuting him was interpreted by many as uncertainty over what happened- or worse, that I was falsely accusing him. I assure you, neither of those are reasons he is not currently in jail. Do I question my decision every day? Absolutely. I feel selfish for protecting myself and not the other women he will be around. I feel guilty for letting him get away. But every time I make the pros and cons list, I decide again not to prosecute. And I don't need the judgment from people who have never been through this. If a police officer has validated my fears about prosecuting, you really don't have much to add. No offense.

Some comments are left unspoken. A local radio station (rhymes with bun whoa who point free the fax) refuses to play rap music and omits the rap portions from popular songs. The implied reasoning is that rap music is objectionable to listeners. I'll save that argument for another day, but it's worth noting that immediately after playing a song with the rap portion omitted, they'll play the song "Blurred Lines". It's fairly common knowledge that the subject matter of that song is rape. Every time I hear that song, I am hurt and angry that rap is more objectionable to that station than rape. I also have panic attacks because of that song, which is *really safe* when I'm driving.

Last but certainly not least, politicians. Mostly Republican. Not that Democrats don't make these statements, but... I'm calling it as it is. Anyway, about a year before my assault, Roger Rivard, a Republican from Wisconsin, made a statement "some girls, they rape so easy". Well, thanks, Mr. Rivard. At least I can take comfort in the fact that you're alone in your feelings.... Oh wait. Nope. There have been dozens of statements similar to this one. To paraphrase a couple different politicians, if you know you're going to get raped you should just sit back and enjoy it. Yeah, I tried that, with no success. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: if you're a politician who hasn't been raped or sexually assaulted, stick to saying its a horrible thing that needs to stop and then (the most important part) SHUT the FUCK UP! Yeah yeah, harsh language. In all caps. I know. But it needed to be said.

"So, Katie, what do I do for my friends who are going through this?"

Great question. Here's a list:

Hugs. In large quantities.

Ask if they need anything.

Make absolutely no judgments.

Listen.

Help them make any necessary decisions, if they want.

And if all else fails, sing Matchbox 20's "If You're Gone". Thanks, Tommy.

 

 

The Good Things In Life--CASTLES!

I heard a bit of advice recently to not bash the things you hate, but praise the things you love. So, I've decided to keep that in mind for these next few blog posts (I have a list and it just keeps GROWING!). This is gonna be so great because being positive is the best! Trust me. I'm a blogger. Let's get this going then!

Social media is a big influence in our life, right? Right, obviously you're reading a blog, which is a media that is pretty social. But, the media I want to talk about today is television, specifically a little program called Castle on ABC.
I like Castle for many reasons. First off, the character the show is based off of is this fun writer dude. I want to be just like him! A famous writer (or just a writer will do) and someone who can easily keep in touch with his inner kid and unleash his creativity. And it's a murder-mystery show, which is one of my favorite genres of television.
Now, Castle, the character, has a deal with the city and is allowed to tag along with Detective Beckett while she solves murder cases to seek inspiration and such for his murder-mystery novels. Detective Beckett is who I want to talk about right now. She's a feminists dream come true.

She's very independent, and for the first five seasons I believe she was living on her own and was just dandy with that. She was never desperately looking for the perfect guy and hitting on every guy she saw.
Beckett is hella strong. Hella. She just owns every room she walks in because she has this grand dominance about herself. It's not her yelling at people, it's simply that she is Beckett and is confident. People know she's in power by how she acts. She's calm in every situation and can lead people with a genuine ease.
She's smart, I mean you have to in order to be one of New York's best detectives. She doesn't flaunt her smarts by being mean and loud. Like, do you ever see shows where the woman is smarter than everyone else typically and she just shouts and gets frustrated at them for being dumb? That's not Beckett. She works well with people and just informs them of her knowledge and they let her in on their own to help solve the case.
Beckett is aggressive. When she needs to she will be rough. She'll demand information out of suspects with as much for as necessary. She isn't afraid to run into action. She will stand up for what she believes in, even if it has dire consequences.
She's honorable. She's been searching for the justice her murdered mother deserves for years and refused to stop until she succeeded. She will always stand up for those she loves with a selflessness that can only be found in a very few strong people.
And the best part, Beckett in no way can be classified as a bitch. She is just this great detective who does her job very well. And she does it with a little help too.
There's Castle, of course. He's very nice. A single man with a daughter who is fun-loving and compassionate. I like the way he kind of balances his personality. Early in the show he was this lavish writer with money to burn and woman to make swoon. But he's evolved. He's not the most serious person and defies this idea that all men are either mindless or the dominant role.
That's not true with Richard Castle. Beckett very often keeps him in his place on the team, he's important to the team, but Beckett is the leader and he knows it. And he's a family man, he's not distant from his daughter, they actually have this wonderful relationship that most parents dream of. They're open with each other and still play laser tag together.
              
Lanie, like Beckett. She's the independent and smart medical examiner on the show. She's a lot like Beckett in ways that she's a leader in a male-dominated field but acts like a normal human and not a dramatic woman role.

Then there's the pair of Esposito and Ryan. These two best friends are great. Esposito is this very big masculine macho man. He's muscle and hard working, and a bit of a ladies man. Ryan is smaller, he's married and a new daddy! Some might say he's "softer" than Esposito and maybe more feminine, but I like Ryan just the way he is. He lives his own life and is just as good a detective as any member of the team. Like normal people, these two have their strengths and weakness.
Ryan strength is the books, research and such, but that doesn't mean that he never leaves his desk. And just because Espositos is obviously very strong and a real fighter doesn't mean he spends his free time at the gym waiting to get the call to chase a bad guy down the street and take him down. Both can be seen doing their equal share of these jobs. Ryan will go out on the field and Esposito can be seen sitting at a desk buried in papers researching and working his brain.

(I'm going to assume you can tell which is which based on my descriptions of them.)
A pretty recent change is in captains at the police station. It was a man who everyone was familiar with, he had their back and supported their outlandish ideas because he trusted them as much as they trusted him. Now, this brave man is gone. And to fill his shoes is Captain Victoria Gates.
                                  
When she first came everyone HATED her. She was this obscenely aggressive woman who stuck to the rule book and let nothing happen. She even threatened to take away Castle's right to be a part of the team, even though at this point he'd become a key member. But then we started to see a softer side of Captain Gates and she loosened up. She started to become a part of the family like the past Captain. Captain Gates is a very strong woman, she's still strict and defensive, but it's for the better. She stopped looking like a mindless robot and became more human.
The great thing about this show is that the characters are human they aren't overly this and overly that, they're balanced. They don't stick to stereotypes and show the proper emotion when the time is right. They have individual personalities and fit together like a nice family. There is no dumb-nut and smart-mouth, just equals in their own individual ways.

"Let me take your man card"

When I first heard of the concept of a "man card" I laughed. The idea that everyone had a man card and it could be revoked or given. I used this term every now and then as a joke, but recently I heard it and got kind of upset over it.
This person was saying that if a man has ever gotten a manicure they shouldn't be allowed to have their man card. Can you tell what got to me? It's the fact that apparently there are activities that are reserved for women only and that if a man does that it makes him less of a man. Come on dude. Come on!
There are things to be enjoyed in this world and let people enjoy them. We are changing the world with our acceptance of more feminine men and this statement just sets us back. Yes, manicures and spray tans are typically done by women, but if a man wants to do it, YOLO SWAG you go for it! And then we all just sit back and let others be happy.
This is equality, if we want to be accepted in men-dominated fields we have to allow men to do some of the more "feminine" things. It's like when you're a kid and your sister asks if she can play with your doll. Well, she didn't let you play with her doll last week so you're not going to let her play with your doll. And even if we don't get our way I think it's best that we just be kind to others. It'll encourage more kindness.
The world was made to be equal. We're all mixed together in this place so we can't say "Okay, you sit here, and I'll sit here. Don't cross this line. No, no." *Swats hand*
It's time to be okay with men crossing the line, because we're already crossing it ourselves.
Another thing I heard once was that a person was saying that when guys had snapchat best friends that are also guys she questioned them and thought it was weird. And that, my friends, is one of the dumbest things to be bothered by.
There are wars and starvation and riots going on and you're upset that a boy has a another boy as his best friend? ON SNAPCHAT! I'm best friends with my cousin, we must be doing incest. And you're best friends with another girl, does that make me question you? No! You guys just make each other laugh all the time. That's usually the point of snapchatting.
You might be thinking this is turning into a gay rights rant, but it's not. Though that is important we're still on that feminist track.
Today I want to say that equality is a two-way street. If we want to be treated as an human being by the world, we have to treat the world as human beings. It's hard not to get upset by some things, but we have to learn to be accepting.
It can even go towards women. An aggressive woman in the workforce can be perceived as a heartless bitch, which is topically how the media portrays them. But as long as they aren't actually crazy, this is good! They're doing what they're good at so PRAISE! Women like that are going out and changing the world.
It's time to step up and do what you like, even if it means stepping up and out of our comfort zone. Don't be afraid of what others will think, show and prove to them that you're the best their possibly is. They'll come around eventually, and if they don't but you still know what you're doing is good, YOLO SWAG go for it!
Remember kids: People are people, and feelings are feelings, and those things are unstoppable. So, don't let others stop you! You are great and you will win!

ATTEN HUT!

     Today we're going to take a moment to talk about soliders. They're fighters and defenders and epic and all that. But why is this a male dominated field?

     Obviously it's because all women are physically weaker than men and emotionally unstable. 

     Well, that's at least what the pentagon thinks. How great are these people? Women can't be on the frontline and do combat jobs. Because who knows what might happen up there. Women could just fall down from weakness or cry at the sight of a dead body. It's too risky. 

     Officially, they can fight, but they don't get to actually fight combat too much. Which I oppose. If a woman works hard enough and can become strong enough she can fight, a lot of women are strong enough to actually fight up their with the big boys, and they've proved themselves.

     Now, the next part of the argument is that women are too emotionally.

     Well my friend, I like to say that men and women are human. I don't know about you, but that's just my view on the world. She breathes, he breaths, and so on. And humans are emotional beings, meaning we feel emotion. So if humans feel emotions then that means women feel emotions (because, you know, they're human) and if men are humans... Oh man, they must feel emotions too.

     MIND BLOWN. 

     So what I guess I'm saying is this crazy idea is that maybe there are men out in the world who are not emotionally able to be on the front line. Whoa. It's like there's a process to get people into the combat position and that process helps decide if the person-- AKA human-- is really capable of being in combat. 

     Huh. That's a real thought provoker, ain't it?

     I'm just saying, just because one solider is a woman doesn't mean she can't have a pretty tough skin.

     We talked about this in a class one day, some people lean towards "masculine" traits, and some "feminine" traits, others are balanced between the two. You see, we took a short little test to determine this and this led to a discussion of how men don't want to have anything to do with being too "feminine."

     Sadly, those traits can appear to be the "weaker" traits and since a lot of women are more inclined to those traits women are sometimes seen as the weaker beings. But many women have developed the masculine traits, and it's not a problem. It's not a problem to be either way, (too an extent, any trait that's too much can be problematic.) but the problem is men not wanting to develop the feminine traits.
         They are far-right manly men. They don't want to be sensitive and romantic, they want to be self-reliant and realistic. And they might be these things, but let me tell you about the discussion we had as a class.
     We go to an all-girl's school, and the teacher asked for the people who had strong masculine traits. Several girls unashamedly raised their hands. But we thought about what would happen if we were at one of the all-boys schools in the area if the teacher asked for the students with strong feminine traits.
     If you guessed that no one would raise their hands, you guessed right. To them it's embarrassing to be labeled as "girly" or something of that sort because they leaned towards those traits. It makes them seem weak, or worse gay. 
    The thing is, boys, you're human. And these are human personality traits. So you're going to have a little of each, or even a lot of each. Girls have masculine traits and no problem admitting it, now it's your turn.
    Be a human, accept whatever personality you have. It's probably a fabulous one.
    So, if boys can have strong feminist traits then women can have strong masculine traits. And I bet that makes them want to do some "masculine" things. But it's frowned upon sometimes, or not as wildly popular as it should be.
    Have you ever heard of "pink collar" jobs? Because they're a thing. You could probably list a few of these jobs just off the top of your head. Teacher, nurse, etc. These are jobs women typically dominate, which is good. I'm not against women nurses or anything, but I have a problem when it comes to a point when people think these are jobs only for women.
    I remember the first time my friend's dad told me he was a nurse. I was shocked, I thought all nurses were women! But it didn't change my opinion of him. If he wanted to be a nurse, then go for it bro. Well, I don't like that as a kid I thought nurses had to be women, and that men in that field were unusual.
    If a man wants to be in a "pink collar" job, then good for him. If a woman wants to do something different, excellent. I believe I mentioned in an earlier post the quote, "Never tell your daughter she can be anything, because she should already know that." And that's what I want the world to come to.
    I want a world where girls growing up dreaming of being astronauts as well as princess, and boys teachers as well as football players. Because either gender can follow any path. The world holds many opportunities and limiting either side is just wrong.
    It starts when they're kids, playing with toys that typically teach them one trait or another. Dolls and kitchens teach kids to be compassionate and how to have conversations. Trucks and legos teach kids how to be constructive and ambitious. Telling a kid he or she can't play with one of them because they don't fall under the category of their gender is depriving them of possibilities. And the ability to become balanced in their personality. They should be invited to play with any toy they prefer, and develop life skills for the future.
    Because every kid is different. Some are more one way than the other, some are balanced.
    The point of this post is that a man can be an emotional mess, just as a woman can. But those who can handle it will go tot the front line, so let them.